


Making a Sex Plan

by YesBothWays



Series: The Body's Intelligence Could Rival The Mind's [7]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Sex Toys, Two-Way Dildo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 03:27:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4247571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesBothWays/pseuds/YesBothWays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cosima and Shay's first night together.  This explains why Cosima trusted her so fast the morning after.  And also why she just had to make out with her instead of slowing down.  Cosima's taste in women is trustworthy.  Her situation is just weird and complex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making a Sex Plan

            Cosima sat on Felix's couch and watched Shay's face. She had brought Shay all the way here to try to seduce her. The plan felt caught somewhere between contrived and genuine to her now. She felt profoundly aware that she wasn't sure what the hell she was doing.

            "Do you want me to go?" Shay said.

            "No," Cosima said honestly.

            "Do you want me to stay?" Shay said.

            Cosima could feel how simple the question was in her mind. They came here from the bar so they could be alone. Cosima's own nervousness kept them from kissing so far, she thought. Yet her own feelings seemed too complicated for her to keep up with in the moment. This wasn't really the plan, but she wasn't really sure what it meant to have some kind of sex plan. You kind of needed to find someone first, then figure out the plan. And now that she found someone, she found herself a bit distracted and overwhelmed.

            Cosima felt thrown now on a fairly deep level. Questions about sexual consent almost always felt easy and light to her. And here was Shay presenting an opening that same way, very much open-ended and almost gentle, even while also direct. Cosima didn't know why she couldn't feel like herself in this moment and answer simply.

            "I don’t know," Cosima said. She wished that she could answer the question. Shay seemed to think that Cosima had changed her mind, since they came.

            "I'll go, k?" Shay said. Cosima sort of nodded her consent to this. She felt then that she really didn't know what she was doing, because that was not what she meant at all.

            Cosima thought for a moment. She realized that Shay had called her out and asked her about Delphine. Cosima was practically avoiding her over it now and ready to let her leave. Cosima felt like that was messed up. Shay could see how fraught Cosima really was over the relationship, after Cosima went on this date to act lighter about her breakup. When Shay showed up, she wasn't really listening to any bullshit. She wanted to hear what Cosima really had to say about herself. Cosima had imagined she would keep their conversation light and superficial and had not adjusted to this yet.

            Cosima tried for a moment to get more honest and rambled through some coded bullshit about Delphine. Obviously, she found, she didn't really want to talk about it. She felt entirely certain that Shay could see right through to her genuine feelings underneath these shallow ramblings. Somehow, Shay's expression seemed like a mirror, making Cosima's own artificial calm about all this feel apparent. Cosima tried to think of some simple, honest thing to say.

            "I don't know what I'm doing, but… you're way more than I expected," Cosima said.

            Shay seemed to listen more closely to this last part. She looked closely at Cosima's expression. She could tell, Cosima knew, when she was being indirect and veiled. And she had seen how genuine this was. That must have made it simple, because Shay leaned over quickly and kissed her. Cosima felt that she'd been waiting and hoping for a clear sign of consent. She must have finally read it in Cosima's expression.

            Cosima felt a deep sense of relief come over her right away. She realized only now that she had been afraid that it would feel like kissing Delphine. Only it would not be Delphine. The idea made her heart feel even more broken. But this wasn't at all what she feared.

            As Shay held her face easily in her hands, Cosima barely managed to put her hand to her arm. She grew lost in their kiss, as she felt how incredibly unlike anything else it was. Shay's kiss felt utterly unique to Cosima in this moment. Shay broke their kiss for half a moment to kiss her once more. They kissed already quite easily, as if they'd known one another before in the past. Shay let her hand trail down over Cosima's arm with the same casual, easy gesture she felt in that way she kissed. And Cosima could not help but picture that same touch moving over the rest of her body. The idea felt beyond appealing.

            When they drew away, she looked over Cosima's face to see her reaction.  Cosima felt herself smile on instinct. Shay smiled at the sight of this. She looked at her mouth for a moment. She leaned in slowly to kiss Cosima one more time. The same distinct, easy feeling came along with it. Cosima felt herself very nearly sigh with the feel of it.

            Shay sat back and seemed to grow a bit distracted then with her thoughts. She glanced around the apartment. Cosima had told her that it belonged to Felix when they came. He was out for the night having half planned Cosima's tryst with her before. She wondered what Shay was thinking now.

            "I have a question for you," Shay said to Cosima.

            "Yeah," Cosima said. Her voice came out scratchy and a bit low. She thought she should try to make an answer that wasn’t total bullshit to whatever Shay asked and accept this date for whatever it really was going to be at this point.

            "Were you ever with Delphine here?" Shay asked her lightly. Cosima sat up, as she considered the question. The ambiguity of "with" seemed intentional in this case.

            "Yeah," Cosima said. "We sort of got back together here, after a… rough start."

            "Okay," Shay said. She turned her body towards Cosima. She seemed more confident and decided. "I live only about ten blocks from here. And there's some really excellent fro-yo right along our way. Why don't you and I take a walk there. And if we get to my place, and you still want to come up, you do. If not, we say goodnight and call this a good first date."

            Cosima grinned and blinked slowly. She liked Shay more at every turn of their interactions. Shay smiled easily at her now. Shay glanced at her lips, and she could tell how badly Shay wanted to kiss her. Shay did not lean in for another kiss. She waited for Cosima to answer her question from before. She managed somehow to put herself out there, clearly wanting Cosima, while giving Cosima a lot of room to decide.

            "Sounds great," Cosima said with a grin. They kissed once more before they got up off the couch. Shay waited for her while Cosima blew out all the candles and texted Felix.

            Shay led them down the street. She kept a steady, slightly slow pace. The streets were not very crowded. They chatted easily now. They had an easier conversation somehow along their way. Cosima loved Felix for helping her out, but the sex plan felt like it had been a little too much for her. She felt like she was pushing at the borders of creeping on a stranger for something. Only already, Shay did not feel like all that much of a stranger. She felt like a friend already, even though Cosima knew so little about her. That was more Cosima's usual territory. She did not need any contrived game to catch a lover in Shay now, because she had always felt comfortable becoming lovers with friends. And that's where they were heading, towards friendship. She already liked how Shay treated her.

            When they got to their sort of strategic pit stop, they sat on stools at the window and looked out at the sidewalk as they ate yogurt piled with fruit and sweets. Cosima felt herself relax finally for the first time that night. She found it easy to make Shay laugh, although she could not quite manage to crack her up fully. Shay smiled and remained quiet, although she clearly felt delighted with Cosima's humor and said several times, "You're hilarious." She would lean into her arms, as if her body grew heavy, when she thought something was really incredibly funny.

            As they smiled at one another now, it felt like they were not strangers anymore. Somehow switching locations a few times made it seem like they'd been together much longer than a couple hours. Maybe the transitions brought out more intimate interactions, Cosima thought. They had to go through several adjustments of their boundaries. Cosima found herself saying that she would take Shay to get the best nachos in the area, a bit later, and Shay just gave a mm-hm and seemed light and eager about it. Somehow, they already knew that they would see each other again soon whatever happened. And Cosima finally chilled out.

            After they finished, Shay led them the rest of the way to her building. She grew a bit quiet as they approached the door. She could guess already that Cosima was likely to come up just by the feel of their interactions. She was looking for the right way to ask, Cosima could feel now in her pause and quiet.

            Cosima leaned in close to Shay. She bumped into her a bit to convey her interest in coming up without words. She felt that Shay was smiling, almost laughing, as she got the key in the lock and the building door open. She led them up a small set of stairs and into her hall. She let them into her own apartment door. She clicked on a light.

            Cosima looked around the place, as she drew off her coat. Shay put her keys and bag down across the room in her usual spot, Cosima figured. Shay clicked on another lamp across the room and came back to turn on a second. She turned the light by the door off again.

            "It's beautiful," Cosima said, as she turned to her.

            Cosima lifted her hands already, as Shay approached her. She could feel already that Shay was going to kiss her, and she was right. Shay ran her hands over the sides of Cosima's face, as she kissed her. Cosima felt how she touched her neck, as if using her hands to form the shape of it in her own mind. Cosima grew really distracted then from her own thoughts. Save that they hitched on a worry about how well her health would really hold out during this encounter. The thought gave her a slight hesitancy.

            Shay felt it. She kept on kissing Cosima, but she grew a bit gentler in some barely perceptible way. After a long moment, Shay broke their kiss just enough to speak to Cosima softly.

            "You know it's okay if you change your mind or get overwhelmed." Cosima gave a sound of affirmation, as Shay kissed her again. "We can just make out all night." Cosima gave another sound somewhere between affirmation and finding this appealing. "I'm still gonna' want to see you again and totally try to put the moves on you next time." Cosima laughed at Shay's explanation in the midst of their kissing. 

            Shay explained this at length just as much to offer that they could keep going as to remind Cosima that they could stop. Cosima felt sure that Shay could feel the consent in her body language. They pulled each other close. This went on for so long that Cosima suddenly wondered how they were still standing. She thought about saying that they could sit on the couch, but what she really wanted to ask was whether they should lay down together on Shay's bed. So this prompted her to bring up some questions about what they might do before they got to where it would probably happen, which was her practice since she was a teenager.

            "Maybe we better have a conversation just in case," Cosima said. Shay put her hands on the sides of Cosima's neck, not to kiss, but just to hold onto her. Cosima liked the way that she moved and drew Cosima along with her, subtle movements that felt almost like the faintest dance.

            "In case we end up naked or all tangled up in one another," Shay said.

            Cosima grinned and bit at her lip. Shay reached and rocked her hips just slightly, and Cosima felt a sort of energy spill towards Shay from between her hip bones. She wanted to bring her hips up against Shay's to match with her own. Cosima would have noticed this usually, but all this talk about bodies and energy made her notice it more vividly.

            "Here," Shay said. She went over and dug around in some stuff on a desk. "Fresh off the laboratory press."

            Cosima glanced over the sheet of data by habit, if not instinct at this point in life. She smiled. No one had ever actually given her their STD test results before. They weren't quite two months old. She grinned at the seeming oddity of the response.

            "I haven't had any partners since then," Shay said.

            "You can just tell me this, and I'll believe you," Cosima said, as she turned away from the sheet to cut short her read through of the data.  

            "I figured a hard scientist would only trust the facts," Shay said. She stood smiling softly. Cosima looked over her expression for a long moment.

            Even as Shay spoke, Cosima recognized the gesture was more than how she presented it. She held the same candor she had all night, but it was more layered now in this moment. There was an equalizing quality to gesture. She was trying to put them more on the same level, since Cosima had felt more nervous than Shay all night. The realization made her feel even more comfortable with Shay and more drawn to her.

            "Actually we tend to trust our intuitions. We just think our way through them after and before we present them," Cosima said. She was trying to admit something about herself that wasn't all that obvious. She wondered if Shay would understand or not.

            "What's your intuition telling you about me?" Shay asked.  

            "It hasn’t really been formulated into thoughts yet," Cosima said. She made a sort of gesture beside her head to try and communicate this. Somehow, she felt certain that Shay read the gesture more clearly than spoken words would have been. Shay was quiet for a moment, clearly in thought.

            "More like instincts?" Shay said. She smiled at Cosima. Her flirtation was probably the sweetest and gentlest and, at once, most direct flirtation Cosima could ever remember receiving, even in her own past experiences.

            "Yeah," Cosima said. "Instincts like that I can trust what you say about this." She put the paper aside. She put her hands on Shay's hips again, and Shay took her wrists and sort of drew her closer. "And like I would be just crazy if I didn't let you touch me." Shay ran her hands over Cosima's low back.

            "There are lots of different ways I could touch you," Shay said. She kissed Cosima again once. She ran her hand over Cosima's arm. "Don't get weird about it, 'cause of what I do for work, okay? This doesn't have to become anything specific." Cosima smiled at that, and she felt herself growing heavy with the feel of Shay's touch on her body again. Her own desire felt more present this time. She hadn't even had time to come up with the specific worry of copping a massage off her date. She would have, though. She realized already that she liked Shay enormously.

            "I get that," Cosima said to her with a grin. She thought about kissing Shay again. Her body felt almost anxious for a moment, even though she knew she was terribly excited. Shay read the ambivalence in her face. Cosima shook her head. "I'm not really confused about what I want in my thoughts," Cosima said. She made another, more subdued gesture beside her head. She brought her hand to her chest reflexively. "I just… I guess my body has just been through a lot lately."

            "Stuff tends to want to surface when you let someone touch you, you know," Shay said. She ran her hands over Cosima's sides. She made it both sexy and supportive at once, which sort of blew Cosima's mind.

            "I've got a lot of stuff," Cosima said. "I'm afraid you're going to lose patience with me."

            "We'll see about that," Shay said. She kissed Cosima once, slowly. "I never have been very impatient," Shay added afterwards.

            Cosima smiled. Shay tried, as she had all night, to put her at her ease. She ought to try to return the favor, she thought. She wasn't doing much to safeguard Shay's consent in this situation so far. She felt like Shay had been in the lead all night. Cosima could not even remember that last time she felt that way with anyone. Maybe she never had, actually.

            "What about you? You haven't asked me," Cosima said with a gesture of her head towards the paper. Shay gave the slightest shrug. She seemed a little timid at this.

            "You're a scientist," Shay said. Cosima grinned.

            "That gives you implicit faith?" Cosima said.

            "Apparently," Shay said. Cosima could tell that's wasn't really what she meant. She just trusted Cosima.

            "We can still do whatever your comfortable with usually," Cosima said. "I work in gloves, so they don't hold me back. Nothing does, actually," Cosima said. Shay smiled at her flirtatious joke. She blinked slowly, then, as she turned away for a moment. She really considered the offer fully before she spoke again, Cosima could see. She looked over Cosima's face once more.  

            "I think… that I would like to feel your skin," Shay ran her hand over Cosima's cheek as she said this. Cosima felt herself grow even heavier with desire at the thought. There was something about the quality of Shay's candor and subtlety at once that affected her deeply. "I don't think it's much of a risk if we both know what's up," Shay said. Cosima mind was only partly on what Shay said and more on her own body, so her tone came out a bit unfiltered. She kept looking at Shay's mouth and down over the lines of her neck and shoulders.

            "It's not," Cosima said. She gave a slight head tick at her own annoying tone of implied scientific expertise. She looked back up into Shay's eyes. She didn't seem to notice, as she was glancing at Cosima's mouth, as well.

            "Seems like everybody here is safe, then," Shay said. She took hold of Cosima by the shirt, as she spoke. She drew her right in close. "And everybody is decided."

            Shay glanced over Cosima's face one last time, then she let her eyes begin to close already. She pressed her mouth to Cosima's. Cosima felt that same ambivalence rise up in her body. But, once again, her uneasiness vanished under the feel of the pressure of their kiss. She felt that her own hand had come to rest on her chest. And she pulled Shay close to her own body.

            They kissed for a long moment, and Cosima wanted to ask Shay if she wanted to get in her bed when they finished. Shay already sort of led them in that direction, then, as they kept kissing. They were sliding into the bed a moment later, with Shay somehow still kissing Cosima, before Cosima had time to over-think it. She drew Shay over her and into an embrace.

            Cosima could feel how strong Shay's body was in this position. She held herself up easily. Cosima felt like it had been a long time since she had been able to do this herself. Another anxiety over her own health passed through her, but it seemed fleeting now. Shay's hands ran over her body, through her clothing. This sensation took priority over her worry. She seemed to want to feel the precise shape of Cosima's body, as she ran her hands with a sort of deeply felt intent in her touch.

            Cosima took a handful of deep breaths and tried to feel her body under Shay's hands. She knew somehow that she was all right. As impossible as it seemed, she felt like her body almost sang with a vibrancy she had not felt in a long time. Or, at least, not since she hugged Delphine as she came home many days before. Cosima felt her heartbrokenness sweep through her. She could not quite decipher what was what anymore. All of it felt mixed up over these past months.

            Shay seemed to be studying her. She must have noticed Cosima's ambivalence. What Cosima had said before must have given her some clarity, however, because she lifted herself up only to take off her own jewelry and put it aside. She looked back at Cosima for a moment and then took off her own shirt. Cosima leaned up a bit more to see. Shay took off her bra, as well, instead of waiting any longer.

            Cosima drew away from her own thoughts then. She wanted to touch Shay, and every other thought seemed irrelevant. She reached out and drew her in to kiss. She felt suddenly that she was still entirely clothed herself, and the thought felt almost an interruption. Cosima let go their kiss and started to pull her own shirt off. Shay bent down and kissed her above her waist and trailed her way up as Cosima's skin appeared from under the shirt. Cosima reached around to unhook her bra, which Shay drew away off her arms.

            They made out then for what could have easily been an hour. Cosima could feel their stamina hardly taxed by all of this. Shay really was patient in some deeply seated way, she thought. She didn’t seem in any rush, as if she fully accepted that this might simply take them all night. She seemed relaxed as they kissed over and over as they lay in her bed.

            Shay put her hands over Cosima's breasts at one point. Even then, she just held her hands there still and held her for a long time. Cosima felt how softly she kneaded her breasts at first, until she built her touch up to become more firm. Cosima nearly pressed into her after a while. Shay broke their kiss to look at her face, and Cosima could tell what she was thinking. Cosima practically guided Shay with her hands on the sides of her face, as she leaned down to kiss Cosima's breasts.

            Cosima touched Shay's back as she did. They kissed and touched each other more. Shay seemed relaxed and patient still when Cosima would touch her body. Cosima could feel how much pleasure she felt in how still she grew and, she noticed, in how she closed her eyes. Her lips would part very slightly, as well, she noticed. Cosima wondered if she were quiet in bed. They had moved so softly together so far that she could not tell.

            They kept on this way, until Cosima could hardly tolerate it anymore. She drew herself away even as she pressed into Shay. She ended up lying more or less on her side. Shay read Cosima's body aright at this change. She kissed Cosima's breasts a few times more, as she seemed to gather her thoughts.

            "What do you want to do together?" Shay said.

            "Everything," Cosima said, without thinking before answering. Shay leaned up and smiled at her. She seemed drawn away into her thoughts for a moment.

            Shay sat up then into a kneeling position. Cosima came up onto her arms, and Shay leaned forward to kiss her a few times more. Cosima held her close with one hand at the side of her neck, before Shay began to draw away. She let her go. Shay looked over Cosima's body for a moment.

            "Should I give you options?" Shay said. Shay seemed a little ambivalent about what Cosima would say to this. Cosima sat all the way up in a moment of deep eagerness in response.

            "Yes," Cosima said. Shay laughed very softly at her immediate and open reaction. Cosima could tell that she loved it. She read the subtlest signs of excitement in her body language, as Shay pushed her hair out of her face and licked her lips once and swallowed. Cosima felt distracted with just watching her, as Shay thought for just a moment.

            "Okay," Shay said. "Come over this way," she said. She moved to the far edge of the bed and patted it lightly. Cosima came to sit at the edge of the bed with her.

            Shay pulled out a basket and took a wooden shelf that sat inside of it off the top and left it on the floor by the bed. She put the basked on the bed beside Cosima. Shay leaned in to kiss her once more, before she showed it to her. Cosima felt like it was to steady herself, more than anything. She kissed Shay back deeply and kept her there for a long moment to try and encourage her. She felt like it had worked.

            "You should let me," Shay said, and she interspersed her words with kissing Cosima. "Take you first." She looked at Cosima to make sure her talk was good. "Is that okay?" Shay asked.

            "Yes," Cosima said assertively. "God… yes." She pressed her hand to her hair for a second and tensed her jaw. She felt her own body held almost tense enough to shake with pent up desire. Shay smiled again at her response. Shay's eyes were heavy with her own desire. Shay swallowed, then she leaned in to kiss Cosima more.

            "I can kiss you," Shay said. "All over." She kissed the side of Cosima's neck, which made her skin prickle down her arms and across her back. "I can go down on you," Shay said. She took Cosima's earlobe between her lips and ran her tongue over it. Cosima felt very slightly faint. She turned Shay's face towards her to kiss for a moment. "Or I can use a toy," Shay said.

            Shay sat back a little to really look at Cosima's face. She seemed delighted that Cosima liked her talking it through in this way. Cosima could feel how deeply curious she was, as she looked into the basket. Shay reached into it and put a collection of what appeared to be rather expensive sex toys out on the bed beside the two of them.

            "Wow. Ready for a serious party," Cosima said.

            "Just very occasional, but really important company to be honest," Shay said.

            Cosima grew distracted for a moment by Shay, and they stopped to kiss passionately for what must have been several minutes. She turned back again, then. Shay looked with her.

            "Do you wear this?" Cosima asked. She already half expected Shay to say no, which would have been fine. She had a dildo that went two ways, with one side designed to let your body hold it in. You had to sort of train yourself to wear one like this. Cosima knew how they worked, but she never learned to do it herself.  

            "Sure," Shay said. She gave Cosima a steady look. Cosima got the sense that she was trying not to be arrogant. She was serious, though.

            "I've never used one like that before," Cosima said. Shay seemed to wait for more for a moment, then she realized that the phrase implicitly meant that Cosima wanted to try that the most. She smiled and almost laughed, as she looked down at the bed a moment.

            "Okay," Shay said, as she looked up at Cosima's face. She obviously liked Cosima more at each turn of the evening. Cosima sat with a grin on her face sort of waiting. After just a moment, Shay took the lead again. She pushed the other stuff away into the basket quickly and sat it down on the floor. She took out a bottle of lubricant and dropped it next to the toy.

            Shay looked over Cosima's body, and she planned to bring her back up into the bed. Cosima pulled herself back, and she drew Shay up over her. They kissed once.

            "How about that 'kiss you all over' part?" Cosima said.

            "My thoughts exactly," Shay said.

            As Shay kissed her way over Cosima's body, she got them both undressed the rest of the way. Cosima felt Shay press, slow and firm, into her low stomach. She closed her own eyes and felt her lips part at this. Somehow, Shay could touch her hard and still feel incredibly gentle. She felt excited by the idea. Shay seemed to hesitate around Cosima's chest. She pressed her only lightly there.

            They'd been kissing for a long time, and Shay was kissing Cosima's thigh. Cosima was up partway on her side again. She had her eyes closed, and she felt a cough come over her over a prolonged instant. She hid her mouth with the back of her hand.

            "Oh, gosh," Cosima said, as Shay leaned back and looked up at her. "It's my sexy cough. I wondered when it would appear." She strained against a second cough. Shay sat up a bit more, and she climbed out of bed without a word. Cosima felt too distracted by her own cough to think well, before Shay came back to the bed with a glass of water. Cosima took several long drinks and got it to settle down. "Sorry," Cosima said. Shay put her hand on Cosima's chest very lightly.

            "That comes from deep in there," Shay said. She ran her hand up and down a tiny bit. She seemed very relaxed about it.

            "I was hoping it wouldn't be a problem," Cosima said. She took another drink. Shay sat looking her over.

            "It's not really a problem," Shay said.

            Cosima noticed how deep Shay's patience felt to her, as she sat back a moment to wait. Cosima took another drink, and Shay could tell she was finished. She took the water and put it aside, away where they wouldn't spill it later. Cosima lay back again and waited a moment, as she watched her crawl back over.

            Shay came back up over Cosima. She settled onto her a bit gently, as if she was watching for whether her weight would put too much pressure on Cosima's chest. Cosima took a few deep breaths to see. She felt fine now. She put her arms around Shay's shoulders. As they began kissing again, Cosima drew her down close again.

            When they had kissed long enough to build back their earlier momentum, Shay leaned back. She dragged the toy and the bottle up closer to the two of them. She look over Cosima's face for a moment.

            Cosima looked for Shay's lead. She did not know exactly how to help her. Shay drew Cosima's hand to touch her breast. Cosima kissed her and reached with both hands to work her nipples for a moment. When Shay broke their kiss to gasp, Cosima reached one hand down between Shay's legs. Shay seemed to grow almost faint after a long moment.

            She got the toy then and made it wet. She lay back for a moment. Cosima saw the faintest edge of self-consciousness come over Shay for the first time tonight. She put her hand on her low stomach and leaned in to kiss her. She kept kissing her, even though she felt a strong impulse to lean back and watch, as she felt Shay gently work the toy into herself. Cosima leaned back to look after.

            Shay moved up with her. She got back up on her knees. Cosima watched Shay concentrate fully for just a moment, as she got sure that she could move. When Shay looked back over Cosima's body, Cosima leaned forward to pull Shay into a kiss. They both moved then to lay Cosima back into the pillows again, and Shay came over her.

            Shay was braced up on one arm. She looked down. She and Cosima each used one hand to bring the toy to Cosima's body and find the right angle. Shay pressed in carefully at first, as Cosima drew her in.

            Shay moved over Cosima more, and Cosima put her arms around her shoulders. They kissed, as Shay settled into her. Cosima held her fully in an embrace. Their focus came to this kissing again for a long moment.

Shay took one of Cosima's hands, then the other. She brought Cosima's hands to rest on her hips. Cosima held onto her and looked down. Cosima felt her eyes run over Shay's body. She did not have a single thought in her mind at this moment. The feel of Shay, and more the sight of her that seemed like a feeling itself, distracted her entirely.

"Show me how you want it," Shay said. She pursed her lips a moment. Then she parted them slightly.

            Cosima held Shay by the hips. She led her to set up a rhythm. When she brought her hands up to Shay's shoulders again, she felt Shay respond still to the slightest pressure from her hands. She focused on finding what Cosima wanted, how she felt for a long moment.

            Shay seemed to find room for her own thoughts again once she got a steady movement established between the two of them. She leaned up to look at Cosima's face, then she glanced down over her body. She looked at Cosima's breasts for a long moment, then she leaned down and kissed one of them.

            Cosima moaned at once when she did. She felt in Shay's back that she gave a slight moan in response. She took Cosima's nipple between her lips. Then she brought her hand around to work her other nipple between her fingers as she did. Cosima moaned loudly at this. She pressed her head back into the pillow.

            After a while, Shay looked up. She felt Cosima pressing back. She came up some, and she reached around to draw the pillow away. Cosima lay back more, and Shay moved up a bit to come over her. They kissed again, and Cosima pulled Shay into her. Somehow laying back this way made her feel more lost in this experience. She held onto Shay and let her eyes close, as she felt herself moan when Shay pressed into her.  

            Shay reached up suddenly over Cosima. There was a table over the bed. Cosima didn't know what she was doing for a moment. She realized that Shay had put some kind of oil on her hands and worked them together, just as Shay brought her hands to her breasts again. Shay brought her mouth to Cosima's, and she moaned softly with her, as she kissed her deeply and worked her breasts with both of her hands. The oil made the touch feel softer and deeper at once.

            After only a short time, Cosima felt nearly overwhelmed with the sensations that build in her body. She pressed her head back into the bed. Shay leaned up some. She reached to pull gently with her hand at the back of Cosima's neck, to exaggerate her own stretch. Then she reached to pull at her side to arch her back in the same way. She pulled softly at her in time with her own movements.

            Cosima felt herself move almost beyond thought. When Shay let go of her and came down onto her elbows again, it was all Cosima could do to put her arms around her shoulders and kiss her. She heard her own voice crying out freely now. She gained her wits only barely, and everything seemed in a fog of sensation still. She kissed Shay and held her face in her hands. Her body felt to her at this point to be in an entirely altered state.

            Shay kissed her deeply, and Cosima felt her own cries becoming more broken with intensity. Her body shuddered, she could feel. She found that an anxiety arose in her body anew. She felt like she could not go on, because if Shay stopped, she would go crazy. She wasn't sure for a moment if she could be that vulnerable. She looked into Shay's face for a moment. Shay's eyes were heavy, her lips parted. She blinked and looked more closely at Cosima's expression, as she tried to read this change.

            "Don't stop," Cosima said to her. Her voice felt desperate. She nearly grasped at Shay's neck. Shay reached to hold onto one of her wrists in response. She shook her head very faintly.

            "I won't," Shay said to her softly. "It's okay." She kissed Cosima, then she kissed her neck.   She kept her mouth on her skin, soft and heavy, for a prolonged moment before she spoke again. "I won't stop until you're completely satisfied," she said. Cosima held her close as she spoke. She ran her tongue along the base of Cosima's throat. "I'll stay inside you all night if you want," she said. Shay leaned back then to look Cosima in the face. Her eyes were soft and incredibly heavy.

            Cosima felt her own eyes close after this. She gave almost a sigh. Her anxiety faded out. She let herself go all the way into her own experience. She lost her focus on Shay, lost her grasp on her own thoughts. She knew that her hands could barely hold onto Shay. So Shay held onto her harder and pressed down into her.

            As the tension that built up in Cosima's body started to break lose into waves of pleasure that rushed through her, she cried out and held onto Shay. She tipped her head forward to press into Shay's shoulder for a minute. Then she leaned back again. Shay came in right away to kiss her, as Cosima's body shuddered and started to relax again.

            Cosima took a deep breath. She felt herself changed. A flash of intuition came over her. This was from being ill. She had imagined that she might never make love to anyone again. Now, here she was, alive and in bed with someone. Someone excellent, she realized. Shay looked over her and kept moving. She would soon grow softer and stop.

            Cosima swallowed and then worked her own lips. She thought for a moment. She looked at Shay's face.

            "I can come again if you keep going," Cosima said. She put her hand to Shay's face as she said it. Shay closed her eyes.

            "Oh, my God…" Shay said. She opened her eyes again. Shay took a deep breath and let it out. She seemed to almost shake for a moment in Cosima's arms. Cosima kissed her shoulder.

            "You just have to slow down for a little while," Cosima said. She put her hands flat against Shay's back. Shay looked into Cosima's face again for a moment. Her lips parted. She blinked very slowly.

            "Show me," Shay said. She leaned in to kiss Cosima. Cosima brought her hands down to hold Shay's waist and led her to find a new rhythm, very slow and kept deep inside her body. Shay picked it up. She felt Shay's breath come in heavy, near gasps against her own shoulder. She wrapped her arms across Shay's back.

            They moved together for what felt like a long while, until Cosima build up again. Shay did not lean back this time, but she rested her head against Cosima's shoulder. Her hands held Cosima, at the side of her neck and her shoulder on the other side, as she came to another climax and shuddered longer this time. Shay lay quiet for a moment.

            Shay did not say anything, but she drew away from Cosima. She moved down in the bed. Cosima did not have time to regain her thoughts or composure. Shay put her mouth on Cosima, who gasped in a breath and gave a broken cry. She put her hand on Shay's shoulder for a moment. She was not certain that she could take it.

            Shay kept it all very slow, however, and soft. She ran her hands up over her body. Cosima found her body able to relax again, one final time. She felt almost exhausted, and she let her arms stay down on the bed at her sides with her hands resting on Shay only lightly. Now that the pressure on her body came only on the outside, the entire quality of the sensations she felt changed.

            After a short time that felt incredibly long to Cosima, she felt herself come to a climax again and knew that she cried out with it. She felt her mind almost wink out of full consciousness for a moment. When she opened her eyes again, Shay held her by one wrist with her other hand hooked around her thigh. She still had her eyes closed, and she moved her mouth against Cosima gently.

            When she finished, Shay leaned back. She work her lips, as she looked over Cosima's body for a moment. Then she looked back up at her again. She took a deep breath and let it out in a sot of sigh. Her lips were held parted, as she recovered herself.

            Cosima realized suddenly that Shay had not come during all of this. She tried to gain her breath to say something. The process took her a moment.

            "How'd you go that long without coming?" Cosima said. Shay looked a bit stunned. She worked her lips. Clearly, she did not know.

            "I can't come from just this," Shay said, and she meant the pressure from the toy inside.

            Cosima moved around and got herself somewhat lower in the bed. She ran her hands over Shay's body. She knew she would have to be careful when she removed the toy. She felt for it, and Shay gave a soft cry, as she touched it. She seemed more aware of her own body now that she had stopped touching Cosima. Cosima felt her begin to shudder.

            Cosima ran her hands over Shay's body, until she felt that she was able to draw the toy away. Shay gave just the slightest cry as she did, and she sank down into the bed. She must have been in an altered state herself to tolerate that much before, Cosima realized.

            "You're a freaking champion," Cosima said.

            "Me?" Shay laughed. "You." She just shook her head instead of forming that into a sentence. Cosima let her hand slide up Shay's thigh.

            Shay way lying on her side, propped up on her elbow. When Cosima's hand touched her, she closed her eyes and cried out at once. She felt incredibly aroused to Cosima's touch. Cosima focused for a moment in order to keep it soft enough.

            Cosima kissed her way down the length of Shay's body. She brought her hand away and held her by the hip. She used her tongue, softly, to work her body now.

            She brought Shay to a climax in no time. And she held one her of hands, as she came. Cosima loved the sound of how her voice changed when she cried out in ecstasy. It came out lighter somehow and less subdued.

            Cosima came up, then, and Shay reached to draw her into an embrace just as she did. As they lay there, Cosima suddenly felt a strange feeling moving through her chest. She felt that it was like both joy and grief at once. All the events of the past weeks seemed to move through her.

            She lay there and let her own feelings and thoughts pass through her with her forehead pressed against Shay's shoulder, as Shay ran her fingertips up along her dreads, against her scalp behind her ear. Cosima felt that she had been altered by her recent experiences. The feel of it was almost frightening to Cosima, though she could not yet say why.

            They didn't say anything as they settled down into the bed to sleep. Shay got the glass and drank some water. She handed it to Cosima, who finished it, then she put the glass away. She got them under the covers. Cosima knew it must be very late. A few times, they moved close to kiss more. Their kisses were gentle now.

            Cosima thought more about that easy quality that she felt between them when they kissed. She let her thoughts run over her own intuition. She did not quite know what to call it. The idea of friendship came into her mind, but there was a whole lot of sexual compatibility mixed up with this, as well.

            For tonight, Cosima let her thoughts rest with her simple intuition, and she did not feel compelled, as she usually did, to turn it into thoughts. She felt almost similar to when she smoked, which brought her into a relaxed, changed state, where she was open and could feel herself moved beyond her biases and skepticism. She allowed herself to rest and to feel how alive she was just now.

**  
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